I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
