Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
