the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
