I have demons in me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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