I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't turn off my feet"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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