4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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