we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
