What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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