my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
