so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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