I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
