You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
