u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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