You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
