Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
