Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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