he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
