I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
and you fell through a lawn chair
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
