I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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