I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
