jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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