I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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