I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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