youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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