That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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