I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
