I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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