God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
