It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
