): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
