What a fucking waste of an outfit
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
