Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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