i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
