Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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