That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
