We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
