my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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