textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
