the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
