i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
