I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
