Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
