You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
