apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
