He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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