Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
