I cannot find my penis.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
