she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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