Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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