my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
