in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
