I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
