left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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