Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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