i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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