I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
