i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
